Software Engineering
November 17, 2024

UC Personal Insight Question 8: Strong Candidate Essay Examples and Writing Guide

Published on
July 18, 2024
All
Bachelors

Prompt: Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

1 Tip that Matters💡🔆

The key question with this prompt is: should you choose it or not?

Are there aspects of your character, background, or experiences that haven't been covered elsewhere in your application but are crucial to representing who you truly are?

The answer should be a definite yes.

First, let's dive into how one could structure this essay effectively:

Structure of the Essay

Introduction: What's your Value?

  • Hook: Start with an engaging statement or anecdote that highlights a unique aspect of yourself.
  • Set up Context: Admissions officers should understand the value you will bring to UC.

Body - Part 1: What's the Evidence?

  • Evidences: Give examples that illustrate these qualities (e.g., specific achievements, personal traits).

Body - Part 2: Academic and/or Extracurricular Achievements which align with the value you present

  • Academic Achievements: Highlight significant academic accomplishments (e.g., GPA, coursework, awards).
  • Extracurricular Involvement: Discuss your involvement in extracurricular activities (e.g., clubs, sports, community service).

Body - Part 3: Personal Values and Contributions

  • Values: Discuss your personal values and how they align with UC’s mission and values.
  • Contributions: Explain how you plan to contribute to the UC community (e.g., diversity, leadership, service).

Conclusion: Looking Forward

  • Future Goals: Link these qualities to your future goals.

UC Connection: Explain how your unique attributes and experiences will contribute to and benefit from the UC community.

Candidate Essay PIQ #8 Example 1

"If they laugh with me, they can't laugh at me." This simple truth became my guiding light during high school talent shows, where I first discovered my passion for stand-up comedy. What began as a desire to entertain soon evolved into something deeper—a way to connect people.

Comedy isn't just about cracking jokes; it serves as a social glue. Performing in dimly lit, intimate venues during open mics, the greatest joy is fostering community. When everyone shares a laugh simultaneously, we are momentarily united.

This sense of unity extends beyond the stage. I recall a time when I played a role in helping two friends reconnect after a period of misunderstanding. At a gathering, I used humor to break the tension. I cracked jokes that eased the atmosphere and ultimately played a part in repairing their relationship.

In today's polarized world, communities benefit immensely from individuals who act as bridges to unite diverse perspectives.

Alongside my dedication to comedy, I've maintained strong academic performance in challenging courses such as English and Psychology. My GPA and coursework reflect my curiosity and diligence. Beyond academics, I am deeply involved in the arts, participating actively in comedy clubs and theater, and organizing events that celebrate diversity and creativity.

My passion for comedy aligns perfectly with UC's vision of cultivating a welcoming and diverse campus. Laughter transcends boundaries and cultivates unity. At UC, I see myself organizing comedy nights and workshops to empower students, helping them use humor for self-expression and building connections. I am eager to contribute to a campus where laughter enriches everyone's experience and fosters a sense of belonging.

Looking ahead, I am committed to further developing as a comedian and using humor to bridge cultural divides and inspire positive change. I am enthusiastic about the prospect of joining UC, sharing laughter, and leaving a lasting, positive impact.

🎓 GradGPT Score: 86/100 🌟

A GradGPT score of 86/100 indicates a great essay score. However, the overall flow of the essay could be further improved.

GradGPT Score 86 for the PIQ #8 essay.
The essay passes all 5 stages of the essay coach

In conclusion, follow the outline of introducing your unique value, providing evidence and achievements that align with this value, discussing your personal values and contributions, and linking these qualities to your future goals to create the first draft. Next, work upon the draft to build the essay. Finally, check whether you score more than 80 and pass all 5 checks on the essay coach.